Relation
by rockholmes
Summary: Kai isn't quite sure whether to be disturbed or endeared by the fact that Lloyd apparently has a crush on him. Well, he decides he might be some combination of the two.


**A/N** : I forgot to upload this here but I've had it up on AO3 for a bit now.

I have like no idea what compelled me to write this, other than the fact that I'd watched the lego ninjago movie first and quite liked greenflame, then went into the series and found their relationship was. vastly different. Not a bad thing though just different. I'm glad these 2 are good bros and Lloyd is a great kid. more than anything this might just be a "what if" scenario with practically no payoff.

Either way, I hope you guys enjoy it!

* * *

When Kai was much younger, too young for he and his sister to look after themselves, they had something akin to a babysitter while their parents were off. Which was pretty often.

He hasn't seen her in years, but he distinctly remembers every little detail about her. When he and his sister weren't even into their early teens, Himiko was already eighteen, a legal adult and someone who was _so_ deeply out of Kai's league that he didn't think he should have had a problem being open about what a massive crush he had on her. She had radiant golden hair, deep ocean eyes, a way of parting her hair that just _worked_ so well with her face and Kai was absolutely smitten.

He also hasn't thought about her in years.

But she's all that's been on his mind for the past hour or so.

He thinks about how he feels bad for her, now. How awkward must it have been for some brat to be all over you when you're just trying to do your job of looking after them? And he wasn't subtle about it, either. She just brushed him off with a laugh every time he said some stupid pickup line he'd gotten off of one of the romantic comedies Nya loved to watch and make fun of all the time - the ones he was always a genuine fan of, though he of course would never admit to that - and he's only now wondering how much of that was Himiko awkwardly trying her best not to smash his tiny spirits to bits.

Now, he thinks he can sort of relate. Maybe not in the exact same way, but it's a little too familiar for him to not be wallowing in his own nostalgic embarrassment.

While Nya trains with a sparring dummy in his peripheral vision, he lies on the coarse dirt and puts an arm over his face to shield himself from the sun, and he thinks nonstop about how someone he's considered a little brother for the majority of his recent life has a crush on him.

 _Lloyd has a crush on him._

That reality hasn't totally sunk in.

Kai thinks it's actually pretty funny in hindsight.

Wu gave them a task they all expected to be simple - drink a pot of truth tea and talk. Nothing special. Nothing life-threatening. He'd just described it as a trust exercise and left them to their own devices for the rest of the day and they'd all thought it would be easy and pointless. After all, they've spent so long together already, and they felt like they already knew enough about each other for something like it to be a bit too late.

Right?

Well, wrong.

Aren't they all brothers? Kai didn't think they had much to hide from one another. He certainly didn't have much to hide from anyone else. Then again, he's always done what he could to be an open book. Other than when it's come to something he figures might do more harm than good for everyone else to know. But then, he guesses everything that was revealed in that very short amount of time falls under that category.

It was all, surprisingly, an abject failure.

He opens his mouth and talks out loud, more to himself than to his sister. "Not sure how Wu's gonna react when he sees our little trust exercise basically broke up the team."

Her movements come to a jolting stop for just a second before she goes back to training, though he can tell that she's punching and kicking the wood a bit harder than before. He actually thinks she should be more upset about what happened than he is, all things considered. A quick rundown of what was learned in the approximately fifteen minutes they were able to all go through with the exercise before dispersing, in ascending order of how shocking it was for Kai:

Number one is that Nya and Cole both still have pretty conflicting feelings for each other. That's something Kai's known about for a while, but he's never said it, because it hasn't needed to be said. He's not sure why Jay pushed it so hard. Except for the fact that the guy can be a jealous jerk.

The second is how Cole doesn't understand his own feelings, romantically speaking. Except Kai's never thought of Cole as a very in-touch-with-his-feelings guy. So, what else is new? Well, he guesses the fact that much of those unsure emotions and insecurities have more to do with sexuality than anything else is a bit new. _That's_ not something Kai had ever thought he would hear from someone like Cole. Or any one of them, for that matter.

And then there's how Zane thinks the way he feels about P.I.X.A.L. and the way he feels about Cole are too similar for him to understand them individually. _That_ came out of nowhere. But it has nothing to do with Kai, so he figures he can just watch on in uncomfortable passivity as that crashes and burns one way or another.

Finally, the last tidbit of information.

He replays the events in his head - Cole implies he still has feelings for Nya and Jay gets predictably angry, then Lloyd plays mediator like he always tries to and thinks he can quell the oncoming fight by asking Nya directly who she likes, which only complicates things _more_ , then Jay gets angry at Lloyd and asks him the exact same question because he just can't think anything over for longer than two seconds.

Then, as if the world just doesn't care enough to keep itself from breaking apart, the cat's suddenly out of the bag.

Kai isn't quite sure whether to be disturbed or endeared by the fact that Lloyd apparently has a crush on him.

Well, he decides he might be some combination of the two.

Without warning, Nya finally decides to speak up, responding to his comment long after it's appropriate to. "I don't know," she starts, her breath labored. "I think this'll be good for all of us in the long run."

He almost sits up in shocked confusion, but he just takes his arm away from his face and eyes her in the corner of his vision incredulously. "How can any of this be good?" though he doesn't want to go on a rant, he...well, actually, he _absolutely_ wants to go on a rant. And he does so. "Cole and Zane are the least likely people in the world to work through their feelings, Zane and P.I.X.A.L. aren't talking to each other - which I didn't even know was _possible_ , by the way - while Jay and Cole are at each other's throats all over again. And now, Lloyd can't even look at me! I mean, I figured you'd be a little bit worried about Jay, at least."

"I'm...not saying I'm not worried. But those two have needed to get through this stupid rivalry they've got for a long time. That's all Lloyd was trying to do when he asked me who I liked. I know his intentions were good. He just realized they needed to work things out like adults," she frowns and runs a hand through her hair, then gets a pained expression on her face.

He gives that exact expression back to her, but for vastly different reasons.

Kai loves his sister. He _adores_ her and would do anything in his power to see her happy, but _God_ , she can be blind. He doesn't feel comfortable dictating her relationships now the way that he did when they were younger. Nya should be able to hold herself together when it comes to dating, considering how mature she enjoys acting like she is, but he's more than noticed how little responsibility she's taken in how confusing her love life has been. If Cole and Jay need to work things out, she should be there and working things out _with_ them.

But he doesn't say that. Instead, he just lets out an exasperated, "Yeah," because he doesn't want his remaining steady relationship shattered on top of everything else.

She thankfully moves on from that particular topic. "And with Zane - man I didn't see _that_ one coming."

Kai winces at that, knowing they don't need to say much more on it. "Jeeze. No kidding."

She moves to cross her legs next to him, leaning her head over his and casting a shadow over his. "It's just that I know we can work through this, just like how you and Lloyd can."

That's optimistic. Even though Kai's been trying to convince himself that things are going to fix themselves somehow, that everything will just go back to normal between him and Lloyd without him needing to confront the issue, it's seemed a lot more like a hopeful wish than an actual probability.

"Yeah, well," he raises himself to sit up, then raises his hands in faux defeat. "If you have any ideas on how to do that, I'm all ears."

"Talk to him!" she aggressively insists without a hitch, like she was expecting him to ask that question. "Just sit down and have a conversation. If you're direct with him, you'll be able to get it all over with at once. Like ripping off a band-aid. That easy."

 _That easy._

Sure doesn't seem easy. But he knows all the same that she's not wrong.

Even if Nya wasn't often right about things like this, her reasoning is too sound to ignore. Nothing will get resolved if he just avoids the topic altogether. That might make things worse, in fact. The only thing he can think to do that would end in anything but further pain and awkwardness is to lay everything out on the table and to discuss it with Lloyd directly. He wonders how he'd have reacted as a kid if Himiko did that with him. He likes to think he'd understand if she were careful enough in her wording.

Giving a heavy sigh, he looks down at the ground and picks at a solitary patch of grass. "I wish you made less sense."

All she does in response is laugh and stand, holding out her hand. He doesn't hesitate in taking it and he feels almost dizzy to be standing up again. "Sorry, it's in my biology to be your voice of reason. Blame mom and dad."

"Trust me, I do."

"Harr harr," she playfully punches his shoulder, though he mostly gets that _playful_ part from her expression, because he makes note of how strong she hits. "Lloyd said he'd be taking a walk in the forest just east of here, y'know?"

It takes a minute for Kai to register that, and to put together what she wants him to figure out from that information. He knows he's telling her to go after Lloyd, and he's just come to the conclusion that it'd be the best solution, but being given the opportunity is different from just thinking about it. He gives one look to the gates, then to the trees he knows exist in the distance behind the eastern walls.

Kai takes a deep breath, then lets it out.

"Well, I guess he should be having someone look after him," he says with confidence he doesn't have at the moment, putting his hands on his hips.

To his side, Nya laughs and pats him hard on the back. "See? That's the spirit."

Even though he gives her a smile in return, it vanishes in a second. He's having a hard time keeping his conflicted feelings at bay since he's only had them to focus on. He really wishes they could be dealing with some new threat, if only because it'd give him an excuse to think about anything else, and to not deal with his problems. But the world isn't so kind to him. Then again, it almost never is.

He gives Nya a worried look and opens his mouth, sounding just as lost as he feels. "I don't know what to say to him, Nya."

Of course, she has the exact thing he knows he needs to hear. "Say what's on your mind. If you feel something, say it. Just be honest."

Honest.

He can do that, he thinks.

Kai opens the heavy gates with ease and gives his sister a short wave, not looking back at her again, knowing he might chicken out of the situation if he even gives himself the option to. He stares at his feet when he trots down the mountain path and feels his mind racing. Even now, he's not sure what to say, or even how to begin once he sees Lloyd. He'd never expected something like _this_ to be one of his most formidable enemies.

"Honest," he grits his teeth and puts his hands in his pockets, his shoulders tense as he passes through the first set of trees and repeats the word under his breath. "Yeah. Just gotta be honest."

* * *

Turns out, Nya was totally right. As usual. Kai's really starting to get tired of saying that, both out loud and in his head.

He finds Lloyd training against a tree, mirroring Nya's intense sparring with one of the wooden dummies. Kai winces at the idea that Lloyd probably chose not to use one as well for the sole purpose of avoiding him. But maybe Lloyd just needed some time alone, some time to think everything over. Kai certainly wouldn't be able to fault him for that. If _his_ secret crush had suddenly been revealed like that, were he to have one, he's sure he'd be just as out of it. If not a bit more angry. But Lloyd's always been better at concealing his anger.

Kai doesn't even have to say anything as he approaches the younger ninja, because his footsteps give him away.

With a sharp intake of breath, Lloyd whips his head around and then immediately averts his eyes, his shoulders seeming to curl in on themselves. "Oh, you're here. Okay."

The words come out like an exasperated defeat, like Lloyd knows something awful is coming and is just choosing to let it happen and to deal with it.

Doing his best to make himself appear as non-threatening as possible, Kai takes just a few steps forward and pleads. "Look, can we just talk for a second?" his tone is gentle yet stern and he hopes he can convey that he's not - well, mad, or something. Whatever Lloyd must _think_ he is, to be having this sort of reaction. "Please?"

Lloyd analyzes his face for a moment with caution, like approaching a wild animal who might attack whenever he lets his guard down. It looks almost like he's going to try and bail on the conversation entirely, which Kai wouldn't even be able to blame him for, but he straightens his back and forcefully relaxes his stance. When Lloyd finally moves from the spot he'd been rooted in, he sits himself upon the log of a tree that seems to have fallen over and pats the space next to him.

"Sure," brushing the light hair out of his face, he gives a shrug and a little panicked sigh, doing an exceptionally poor job of seeming put together. "Sure, I - I guess, yeah. Why not?"

It takes a minute for Kai to realize that Lloyd is gesturing for them to sit together and he eventually rushes over.

"Kind of expected you to run away. You're okay with talking?"

"No," Lloyd replies bluntly, sounding a lot like a bitter, petulant child. "But I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

Kai blinks at him and automatically wants to protest, but he doesn't want to start a fight out of nowhere and make things even worse than they already are. The last thing he wants is for this to end up straining their relationship even more. He forces himself to relax and to think about his words carefully. They've only been able to get through to each other in the past by being straightforward and open, so he's hoping that pattern will continue with this.

Trying his best to explain himself, he speaks up. "You've got a choice, it's just...I just wanna set things right, man."

And Lloyd just scoffs in response, still refusing to make eye contact. "Go ahead. It's not like I can get _more_ humiliated, at this point."

 _That went well,_ Kai thinks to himself

"Uh, okay, so," he starts slowly. "Um, guess I should start somewhere. How long have you - ?"

Cutting him off, Lloyd already seems to have an answer ready, like he's rehearsed this in his head. "Since I was younger. I couldn't tell you exactly when, but it's been a long time. I think I've always had a crush on you. It's just...changed, or something, over time."

Kai didn't know that he could hear something more shocking than the confession itself, but he apparently stands corrected.

It leaves him a bit breathless and sick with guilt. _The whole time?_ Lloyd's had a thing for him this entire time and Kai's just never known, never even considered it, never even had a passing thought about it. It's already weird enough that the guy in front of him likes him, but Kai imagines how he'd feel if he'd learned about it when Lloyd was still physically younger, and it gets even weirder. How would he even have handled it back then? He doesn't even know how to handle it now.

And now, even though he's been trying to look Lloyd in the eyes the entire time, he stops and turns his face away. "Wow, always? I never knew."

"Ugh, I know!" Kai snaps his head back over to Lloyd at the sudden exclamation, only to see the blonde staring frustrated at the ground with his arms crossed. "I know, I know. That was the _point_. You weren't supposed to know, ever. I just...I just didn't want to say anything. I never wanted you to know, especially not after this long. You're my best friend and I really didn't want to change that. I didn't want some stupid _tea_ to change that!"

Putting his hands up in defense, Kai does what he can to calm Lloyd down. He puts his palm on the other ninja's tense shoulder. "What - woah, Lloyd, come on, something like this isn't going to make you any less of my best friend."

Thankfully, that at least somewhat does the trick.

Lloyd finally raises his head and they lock eyes. "Really?"

It's hard for Kai to keep from smiling, both for the sake of reassuring Lloyd and because he's glad to have made some sort of leeway here. "Dude, I don't want you to think I don't love you," even though he should feel embarrassed to admit that, Kai doesn't care enough to right now. He opens himself up and spills his heart out. "But...that _type_ of love - I just never really considered it, y'know? I've looked at our whole team like a family. Like, with everything that's happened, it kinda seems as though I'm the only one who has, but still. And you've gotta understand that I'm just..."

"Not interested?" the blonde tries after a few seconds of silence.

"Too old for you," Kai specifies, not wanting to entertain that line of questioning at all. "I mean, you know that, right? You need to be liking people your own age."

And that's the main problem, he thinks. Lloyd is just a kid. The guy's gotta recognize that, regardless of how capable he is on his own in battle.

But Lloyd only gets irritated at what Kai says, hiking his shoulders up and groaning like it's something he's heard a thousand times. "Gee, I'd _love_ to do that," he starts with the type of heavy sarcasm that he must've learned from Cole. "Just got a few hundred problems with it."

Not expecting that, Kai frowns. "What are you talking about?"

Then, finally, Lloyd finds it in himself to vent. He rarely tries to lean on anyone else for emotional support anymore, so Kai feels like he should be glad about this, but what Lloyd says only serves to make him worried. "I don't even _know_ my own age. I don't feel the age I'm supposed to be - whatever that is, I haven't kept track - and I don't feel like I'm eighteen. And I can't even tell if I feel older than that or somewhere in-between. Do you know how hard that is?"

He doesn't.

Maybe he just hasn't taken it all into account, but putting himself in Lloyd's position? The kid's kind of screwed either way. His entire childhood was taken away from him, after all. Kai wishes he could take it all back. Even before Lloyd was forced to physically grow up, he'd never had a semblance of what could be described as a normal life for a kid his age. Kai's chest hurts at the realization and he wishes so badly that he could give Lloyd the experience that was ripped away from him before he even had a chance to understand what he was missing out on.

But all he can do now is stutter out an apology. "I - I didn't know. I don't know. I'm sorry."

Whenever he'd considered it, Kai had always pictured himself as the same type of protective older brother he'd been to Nya in regards to Lloyd's relationships. He remembers finding out whoever Nya would have crushes on and tailing them, making sure they don't do anything to potentially hurt his sister, and he'd imagined he'd be doing the same to whoever Lloyd ended up liking. Is he supposed to be giving _himself_ that same spiel? _Hey, Kai, make sure not to break your little brother's heart. Because apparently you can do that._

He wants to groan into his hands and instead just rubs at his eyes. Everything sure is a lot more messed up than he'd ever been expecting.

Thankfully, Lloyd senses how emotionally drained Kai feels and adjusts his tone. The kid's always been a lot more in-tune with other people's feelings than most, Kai's come to find. "It's not as if I can choose who I like," Lloyd kicks up some of the dirt with his feet, ripping up a few blades of grass. He looks like he'd rather be doing just about anything else. "Did you think I was ever going to try something with you? If it was up to me, you'd have never known about it at all."

The guilt Kai's been feeling that entire time only gets worse. He wishes he could crawl into a hole and never come out right about now, and he can only imagine how true that must also be for Lloyd.

He leans forward and folds his hands together, giving Lloyd a sympathetic look. "Whatever's done is done, man. We can't change that," he chooses to try and be funny, but it only feels like weird rambling when he starts. "I mean, I guess we technically could, if we _really_ wanted to. But I don't think it's worth it. Think I'll pass on messing with time again."

Lloyd still laughs at it, despite how lame it is.

A few seconds pass before the blonde speaks again in a voice so low it might as well be a whisper. "Sorry you have to deal with this."

"What? Man, I should be the one apologizing," Kai rushes, not wanting Lloyd to feel bad at all. The kid can't help his feelings, after all. And it's not like it's his fault they're out in the open. Still, he thinks the situation over and corrects himself. "I mean, not _me_ specifically, but it's still messed up that you had to admit something like that against your will. It wasn't right. I'm glad you don't have to hide something like that anymore, but I wish it didn't happen the way it did."

Lloyd laughs again and gives a real smile - _thank God_ \- and gives a lazy shrug. It's hard to tell whether he's actually relaxed or just tired himself out over everything, but Kai decides that it doesn't matter too much. "Well, I am almost glad it's out now. Kinda refreshing, weirdly enough. Finally got it off my chest after this long," for a moment, the awkwardness returns, but Lloyd does his best to keep his gaze fixated on his friend. "Uh, and thanks for not hating me over it."

That pretty much all but breaks Kai's heart on the spot.

He shakes his head involuntarily and puts a hand on Lloyd's back. "I'd never hate you, especially not over something like this."

Kai thinks about Lloyd, and wonders if he'd be able to reciprocate those feelings under different circumstances. But he thinks that even if Lloyd were of legal age, mentally speaking, Kai has a hard time getting the image of the guy's younger self out of his head. He's watched Lloyd grow and mature over the years, despite how unusually quick it's gone at certain points. Maybe it should be easy to see the disconnect between the Lloyd of today and the Lloyd of a few years ago, but to Kai, he's all the same. Always the boy Kai's sworn to watch over, the kid he has no issues openly dedicating his life to protecting.

Lloyd's not a kid anymore, he tries to tell himself. But it's a hard pill to swallow. And he's not even sure if he actually cares so much about that. He feels like he'll always love Lloyd the exact same, no matter how old either of them get.

Romance has rarely ever appealed to Kai before. And when it has, it's never been a priority. Skylor was something of an exception, and even then, he thinks he's somewhat glad they never went anywhere with it. He's fairly sure either way that he can tell the difference between the types of love he feels.

Like, Kai's cared about people who he doesn't consider family before, right? Not to the same extent, but that's natural for him. Family's always come first. And he definitely thinks of the other ninja - Lloyd especially included - as family. That wasn't true in the beginning, though. All he'd cared about for the longest time was his sister, and while he had plenty of acquaintances, friends never quite came easy to him. But the ninja are his family now. _Lloyd_ is his family. He wouldn't wake up in the middle of his sound sleep with nightmares of losing Lloyd if he didn't care deeply about the guy.

Lloyd means the world to him. That much is clear. He's done what he can to be there when the kid needs someone to look after him, or even when he doesn't, and the idea that Kai himself is the subject of what could very well be Lloyd's first crush, that he holds that sort of authority in Lloyd's heart, scares him more than he'd ever thought it would.

Yet he knows that Lloyd is smart enough to understand that Kai doesn't want that sort of responsibility. More than that, he doesn't know what else he could possibly say, and he thinks that the situation has been made somewhat more manageable.

Kai stands up and looks at his friend. "I should be heading back. Come with me, okay?"

Even though he holds out his hand, Lloyd just gives a lopsided smile instead of taking it and rubs his arm. "I'll...I'll meet you up there. I just need a few minutes to myself."

"Alright," he replies. Doing his best not to seem disappointed, Kai nods once, though his face falls a bit.

He shakes his head and berates himself. It's perfectly understandable for Lloyd to want some time on his own, to want to process it without the subject of the issue at hand being in the same vicinity. His hands find their way back to his pockets and he wants to put his hood over his head and hide away from the world for a few hours, but he refrains from doing so. He just carries his feet along and hopes he'll see Lloyd soon.

Maybe the others have gotten the sense to stop avoiding each other, too. Kai can't imagine he's the first one of their group who's actually done what he can to solve a problem. Placating situations has never been his strongest aspect.

"Wait!"

Just as he's about to disappear from the clearing, he hears Lloyd yell after him.

Instinctively, Kai whips his head around and raises an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

When he observes Lloyd, he sees the green-clad boy staring at the ground and fiddling with his fingers. Lloyd gives Kai a wary look and sighs. "We're...are we gonna be okay?"

Kai thinks he might be breaking the world record for how many times a person can get the sudden and undeniable urge to hug someone else in the space of one day.

This time, though, he doesn't fight it. He fully turns himself around, goes right back to where Lloyd is sitting, and wraps his arms around his little brother. The way Lloyd gives a tiny squeak shows how little he was expecting that, but Kai just gives him a squeeze and pulls away, his hands still resting on Lloyd's arms as he kneels on the ground. He's not sure why, but he's grinning, and Lloyd's looking at him as if he's suddenly grown a third head. He guesses it's hard to blame the kid for that, considering everything.

It's funny how this little fiasco has somehow made Kai care about Lloyd _more_. They've always been there to support each other, to keep one another together when they're not able to handle things alone.

"Oh, man," he tells himself to calm down and speaks as firmly as he can. "Yeah. Yes. Definitely. We're going to be okay. We're _all_ going to be okay."

The relief on Lloyd's face makes it all more than worth it. "You really think so?"

Oddly enough, their embrace successfully makes Kai feel like everything will be right in the world. The rifts that've come between their team don't compare to the types of things they've dealt with in the past, after all. Zane will figure his feelings out eventually, Cole and Jay will get through their little spat just like they always do, and Nya will just have to learn when a problem requires she stop being so avoidant all the time. He has faith in his teammates - in his sister, in his brothers, in his family - that this won't be what finally drives them apart.

He brings a hand up to ruffle Lloyd's hair, then stands back up.

Just as Lloyd is about to open his mouth to question him, Kai decides to reply.

"Duh. We've all been through worse. And when it comes to the two of us, I made you a promise, didn't I? All of this isn't gonna stop me from protecting you," he says his last words just as he's walking away, somehow content in his uncertainty of the near future. "You and I both know I'm way too selfish for that."


End file.
